I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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