Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
