Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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