Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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