There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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