Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The beer is more important than you right now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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