If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
