Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
