After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
