I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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