There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
