so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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