You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
