she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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