She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
