Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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