is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
