I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
