Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
