We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
