No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
