It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
