he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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