Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
