ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
