I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
