when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
