We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
