I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
