remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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