I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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