Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
