Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
