I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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