But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
