i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
