he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
