so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
