I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
