i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
