You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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