my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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