remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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