i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
