I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
