Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
