I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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