Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
