He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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