PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
