When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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