Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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