just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
