I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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