Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
