I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
