He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
