the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
