I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
nutella sex= disaster
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
