just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
