New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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