I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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