Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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