Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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