WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
