I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
