Plan B is the new Plan A
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
