You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
