My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
